Diaper Duty

     Diaper changing is yet another task that a new parent must take on; however, with a boy, it is more like a learned art form instead of a task.  I feel that it requires training similar to a Samarai's....or at the very least, guidance from a few YouTube videos.  For those parents who have only had girls, your experience has been simple; you haven't become the target.  So here are some of my experiences...

     At diaper change 0100 hours, I walked into a battle zone.  Even with my guard up (a tissue), I was hit in the shoulder; thankfully, I was only grazed with minimal injury, so I carried on.  After the next attack, I understood why God made Eve and all other women in this world to be outstanding multi-taskers.  I was simultaneously bombed with poop at one end and spit-up at the other.  It was only after the second stream, with my guard down this time (I mean how many times can a child pee?), that I decided to call for back-up.  ADub-4, JDub-0.  Well played, son.

Diaper Photo Shoot Part One:

     After a long day back at rotations for the first time since giving birth, I came home to a wiggly puppy, an exhausted manny (my father), and a fussy baby.  Before taking over in caring for my beautiful child, I first hit up the bathroom, and while I was washing my hands, I noticed that there was brown spatter on the wall.  After some investigative techniques (I am educated in forensics), I determined that this substance was crap....yes, crap....and according to the pattern, it was traveling at a very high speed before contacting the wall.  My manny had been attacked and appeared to have lost as well.  ADub-1, Pops-0.

Diaper Photo Shoot Part Two:

     When you are having a crappy night (no pun intended), it's nice to pull out a diaper that has a special message on it.  Thank you to everyone who participated in this at our baby shower.  I think the "You are very pretty, Mommy" has been the best due to the perfect timing (I had been having a VERY rough night).

     Some techniques we use to foil our kid's plan: the penie flap, the penie cover, and the quickest diaper change ever....we are talking time trials fast.  In the end, diaper duty in itself can be such an adventure; who needs Machu Picchu when you've got dodge-the-projectile-body-fluid?